Permission to Pause

In this episode,  my guest Dorene Olsen reminds us of the wisdom found in embracing BOTH the busyness and stillness of life. It’s possible (and important) to do both!

Here are 3 highlights from our conversation:

• You have Permission to Pause:  Slow down in winter and create space for reflection, clarity, and connection. You’re not “behind.” Pause to ask yourself:  What’s now? What’s next? What is one thing I need to ask for?
• Reflect, Celebrate & Adjust: Take out  your camera roll and review the past year. You will see what you’ve accomplished and where you spent your energy. Celebrate the wins and spot opportunities for growth.
• Ask Boldly: Don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether in business or your personal life. Each season brings a chance to notice what’s now, what’s next, and what you might need from others. Asking not only helps you but also gives others the joy of contributing.

A vibrant, purpose-filled life happens as we embrace both productivity AND pauses.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Live A Vibrant Life podcast. Today I'm here with Doreen Olsen. I'm really excited because I haven't seen you in a little while. Not only is this fun to talk about what we're going to talk about, but just to see you and connect with you. I appreciate the connection we have when we have a conversation. To go deeply, quickly, and I love that so much. Today we're going to be talking specifically about how you've used your professional calendar through different seasons. I'm really looking at the foundation of what the marketing is and pulling out the values and getting us comfortable in what are those three words? What is that first sentence that you want to share Who you help, what you do, and why it's so valuable? Those three phrases are not just for people who think they need a marketing budget, values can drive anybody's life. Small business, somebody who's trying to do a really good job as a mom, raising children. What do you do? I use my life's energy to raise children. I think important values show up in all areas of life. The power of threes, I love being able to focus on three things. I'm all about clarity. I'm all about connection., I love momentum. We're going to look at the softening of winter. I love that clarity, connection, momentum. We will take those three great ideas and use them today to talk about the fact that this is winter energy. I'm in New Hampshire, you're in Massachusetts, and it is snowing out. It's gorgeous. You say that cycles, client needs, life there's this alignment. There's this movement of times where things are busy and times when you can move back and reflect. I was wondering if you could tell me what do you notice about Winter Energy Is it the same as the rest of the year? It's two extremes, right? Some people go into winter and they soften., The winter months really allow us to return to the soul and simplicity, which is in direct contrast to what we see at the holidays. That busyness at Thanksgiving and right through Christmas and all of that. I noticed that much of my client work, it would go quiet by mid-November, my clients, are, focused on the last six weeks of the year and helping their customers. That's not when they're planning, right? That's when they're doing. And so I get to pause during that time and I get to reflect on the year. In November i'm thinking what does the calendar look like for next year? What do I want to have for communications by month? Mapping out the entire year, and looking at it thematically, and by cycles. So for November and December, there's definitely a pause, but what happens in pauses? That pause, that return to soul simplicity and the time to reflect what do I want? When we were talking before we started recording, you said you use your camera roll to help you notice. In December I'm looking at my business, but I'm also looking personally at my camera roll in December looking at the year in review. Mm. And it's kind of fun to be able to share with family, but it's also fun to be able to reflect on what went well? Where did I spend my time? I discovered last year I spent a lot of time with both my daughter and my sister. Now, if you asked me before I looked at my camera roll, I wouldn't have been able to answer. Right? Right. Instead, I was like, oh. Good job, Doreen. I really loved how much time that we got to spend. There were quality moments. There was travel, across the country and back and forth. I had more dates with my husband. We just had more adventure and just really create some memorable moments. I think it's important for people to notice what you just said. You wouldn't have recognized that you actually did live the life you wanted to live if you didn't take the time to reflect. Yeah. Yeah. And then looking back, you were able to really celebrate. So for some people, November, December might be the time of year because they're in an organization where it's all about the doing. For other people, it might be, right now is when they get to reflect. Yeah. The New Year's beginning, they take out their camera roll and they start to notice, oh look, I did do last year what I wanted to do, or maybe I want to do something different. One of the things you said is what's now? What's next? What's the one thing we need to ask for? How do you use those three questions in the work you do? Those three phrases are my agenda for every meeting. With a client, I'm asking, what's going on now and where are they going next? What are they seeing? And where is the first focus? And that helps them move their needle a little further. Sometimes they have the resources they need. Other times I we keep those questions so simple, it's. It's an easy answer that keeps the momentum building. So, um, wanted to circle back, Kelly, what you said about January and reflection that isn't any different in the business world? Businesses are just kicking off what those 20 26 plans are and looking at how we're mapping out the year and part of that is reflecting on the prior year, right? Companies might have been looking at that in November and December, but if not, January's a really good time to capture that. In January there's just a little bit of a pause. There's a lot of power in that pause. Oh, absolutely. I think people that listen to my podcast, might be moms with a small side business to say, Hey, if I'm listening to this podcast today, no matter when the season ends up being, yeah. But January in particular. Could I pause for a moment, take out my camera roll look back at last year and say, did my life reflect what I want? Because I don't know if we take enough time to say that. I was in awe. I did a Word of the year workshop at the end of the year, so I already knew my word for 2025, but we went into Canva and just pulled pictures from the year. And to see right in front of me, Hey, I wanted more joy. I wanted more travel. I wanted more awe. One of the awe inspiring things happened last January. We went to North Carolina. We stayed right on the ocean. I would get up in the morning, watch the sunrise. And dolphins would swim by! And I forgot. Yeah, a few months from when it happened, I forgot the awe that I had experienced the previous January. So taking that time to reflect. Yeah. Notice what is a good fit. Am I out of alignment? What's next? And is there anything that I want to be asking for? I think a lot of women get uncomfortable at the thought that they can ask for things. That's a really incredible insight and what happens when we ask. There's always an answer, right? There's always the answer, and sometimes when the answer is no, it might be you realizing, I don't want to keep doing this thing that doesn't honor, that sentence from yoga. The light in me season honors the light in you. I've been in roles where my light was not honored, and having that role come to an end was actually what was best for me. I could not become this version of me in that space. I did not know how to ask for what I wanted for most of my life. It didn't even occur to me to do it. And I think our culture really raises us to be productive and raises us to be efficient and resourceful, right? But we're not necessarily raised to ask for help. We're encouraged to give. Dedicate, devote but what about receiving? I remember the first time I met you, Kelly. We went for a walk and it was like we were by the water. We were on a rail trail and just like it felt so good. Why? Because we were giving and receiving. Giving and receiving. Giving and receiving. And can you even hear in my voice how that feels like it's building? And we knew instantly this is the beginning of a great friendship. We were speaking a common language, it made the beginning of our friendship so easy because we had all these thoughts in common. And this self-development work, the most valuable thing that happened for me is for me to begin to notice it's okay for me to want things. It's okay for me to ask for things. It's okay for me to receive things. Those were all really uncomfortable, hard, and it still makes some of my relationships hard. Where the people I'm a relationship with don't think those things are okay. It's not okay to ask for what you want. It's not okay to receive. You should always be giving. This is something you do with your clients, but it's also something you do in your own life. What's now? What's next? And what is something that I want to ask for? I even have on my calendar as a repeat to have that, that prompt, what is one thing I can ask for from 10 people. Wow. This month. That helps me help others. And don't they love it. Mm-hmm. We want to contribute. I wanted to have a podcast that kind of aligned with what I'm going through. I felt like I wasn't the only person that felt like, did I miss half of January? And now I'm going to be behind for the whole rest of the year? Am I going to be miserable through January?'cause I'm cold? Is there something I could learn? When I put out the request, so many people said, I'd love to help you! Not for money, just I would love to help you. So this is a practice you do on purpose. You say, who are 10 people I can reach out to and ask for help? How did you discover that? How did you get the confidence to do it? You know, I, it's always easier to help when you're helping others, right? There's a large, um. Fundraiser that I do for the PTO and it's a kitchen tour. It's a regional kitchen tour. It's one of the largest in New England. We have people coming from Providence, from Portland, from Boston. Right. I put on my calendar to begin with, what can I ask for every month that's directed to that one event in May. Then I realized, wait a minute, people do want to help out regardless. In November I'm asking, the florist if they want to participate in the centerpieces. And looking at a photographer in December when they want to build their business for the summer and different things. Isn't it a natural thing to notice, oh, this is really helpful, and then it starts to extend beyond that. People were asking me what they could do for me. It felt like an easy thing. And Kelly, I want to come back to, you mentioned the word permission. The permission to pause. Important during this season in the winter. At the beginning of the conversation I was talking about like our return to soul, right? Our return to simplicity in January. There is also that other extreme that your listeners may feel of like feeling behind, oh, I didn't do my word of the year yet, or I didn't do my reflection. My favorite word is evolving. When we are always evolving there is no behind. It's just another iteration, just like iPhones. Exactly. Our next launch or our next selves, how we're growing into our next best selves and helping our people anybody that is in our care, we're helping them also find that pause. That's a choice that we get to make of during these months. Can we slow down and can allow ourselves the space to have that pause. To allow that thought, that next great idea to come in or what have you, or how we want to plan the next year. I'm thrilled with how my year went last year on so many levels, but it also showed me the holes in the boat. There's opportunities and only so many years that I do get with certain people. That are older. And I'm so glad that I was able to see some of, our extended family, but it also gave me an, inkling of what I wanted in this year in terms of travel, where I'm spending time, who I'm spending time with. And who I'm connecting with, and that is a gift everyone can give themselves. In January, you can say, I want to both be productive and think about the future. And there's permission to pause right now. Yeah. We're not behind. You had the November, December because of the world that you work in that gave you reflection time. December, it had some intention. What's now, what's next? You said January to May is maybe just the regular season of life, but you notice that there's this flow where sometimes it's busy and sometimes it's quiet. What did you notice as you make a year plan, the difference between a January, a May, June, July? Do you have some kind of flow that has served you? I don't know if it's the school calendar, but you know things get nuts in June, and I think there's a lot of people for businesses, trying to close their, they may be trying to close their fiscal year or what have you. For moms and families, there's a lot of transition for kids, you know, wrapping up the school year, starting to think about their next year or going off to college or all these different things. The patterns that I notice is that there is a ramped up busyness starting in May, mother's Day or so, and soon after really Memorial day and going right through into July. It's almost like there's a sense of wanting to wrap up. There's this next wave and for July, there's this really beautiful pause in my business anyways, to have July and into August that there's not as much demand or need. I think that's a lot of times it's people simply on vacation and willing to slow down a little bit. Some businesses slow down, early Fridays or what have you. We start to ramp up again in September. That's when I'm starting to think about what does the next year look like? So that when October, November start to hit, I've been thinking about that time by the time November rolls around. I'm ready to commit and look at January, February, March. The slow times into January, that's where we are right now. That's where we are. And then you get maybe what the church calendar would call normal time. And then you have some ramping up. Yeah. And then you have some slow down. I think that's another good reminder every person's life is going to reflect this in a different way. But notice these are the months, the weeks, the days that tend to run a little fast. These are the ones where I might have some of the time to pause. Have three questions ready to go for those times where there is a pause. What's now, what's next? What's the thing I want to ask for? You can use that even for family meetings, right? To get the conversation going at the dinner table is, what's going on now? What's next? And it really is momentum filled. One of the things that I was thinking about earlier today, Kelly, is that you and I, before we got on the call, I was talking about how I had an early start today. I was heading into the airport, bringing my sister, and I was in New Hampshire, so I was in a snowstorm, and the roads weren't quite treated yet. It was okay, you know, moved through the storm. I have a new car that I'm just getting comfortable with in the storm, but the roads were untreated. It is okay to go slower. Find that slower pace. And then as I headed south, it was beautiful that, snow line literally was at the Massachusetts line as I drove into Boston, went to the airport. There was no snow, there was only ease. Mm. And I feel like that started just with getting into the car, brushing off the snow and knowing it was going to be okay. And that is the visual. I want to leave your listeners with, is that if we do give ourselves permission to soften a little bit. To ease back and be more reflective. Actually allows us for really beautiful timing. Going through your camera roll, even in those in-between moments, really will start to tell you a story. You can celebrate, but also look for the holes in the boat and see where, you know, I, I didn't have as much time with my son. Mm-hmm. That's where I want to this year, and so I'm at the gym. He likes to hike. I'm going to be ready for hiking when we go to Hawaii. Different things are happening with that. Yeah. The slow is what gave you the time to look at the camera role, to be reflective You had things that you celebrated time with your daughter, time with your sister. Yeah. And then you look through and noticed, hey, if I keep on this trajectory and less and less time with my son, that's not what I want. So I'm going to stay at the gym. I'm going to grow and be healthy. Overall, one of the things that we wanted to have this conversation, particularly because of the work that you do, is to try to think of the year as seasons. Sometimes there's a pause and sometimes there's busyness. And to expect that both are fine. Notice the cycles, there's the lunar cycle, and then there's other sprints. Whether we do 90 day cycle or we do a 21 day cycle. Being able to do something in short spurts that you can really enjoy. But you can only do that when you slow down. Winter, yeah, that's one of the gifts is a day like today, you and I are both looking out our window, the snow is falling and that beautiful, soft snow globe way that it is. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's inviting us into this slow pause, simplicity, return to your soul. Yeah. The permission that we're granted, whether, you know, in the northeast it's a snowstorm down south, it might be a rainstorm. That permission to slow down is everything. It gives us a sense of play and freedom because there's that window of time that we just didn't expect to have. Right. Yeah, but we can expect it. Now if we look back and we say, oh, I can, that's one thing you notice by doing the work you do on repeat, instead of getting frustrated in November that you couldn't get a hold of your clients, you said, this is going to be my time to reflect. And then to know in January, they would start reaching out because you are giving people good at insight in that we can make it mean something. Oh, nobody has hired me yet and it's the third week of January. Well, they're not thinking about these things yet. No. Yeah, and really trusting ourselves that what we need and when. What's next what is that one thing that would just really be helpful this month? And so if somebody's listening, they've never done this before. Yeah. What would you say, how would you literally begin doing this? Is it take out a journal? Is it call a friend? What's the beginning step for somebody who's never, ever done this reflective pause in January before. Call a friend or sit down with your sister, or partner up with somebody and just have that conversation. You can have a pen in hand if you want, but starting that conversation starts, the juices flowing too. Or starting the conversation with yourself, knowing those quieter hours, in the middle of the day, we're again to go anywhere, do anything. So it's beautiful., They're allowing us. The permission to pause, but also the permission to play. Mm. It allows us to dream a little bit. It was hard to kind of look at those, those pictures, and I'm like, wow. You know, one of the other things I also noticed is more dates with my husband and travel with my husband, which I really enjoyed and thought, how can I do that more? And also spend more time with my son. We get to play with that. We get to create What that looks like because it's not the same as how I might spend time with other family members. Yep. Yeah. I had the same opportunity at the end of the year, opened up our Canva and put pictures in and it reminded me that the values of my life were showing up in the actions of my life. I wanted there to be more joy and more awe. Having those opportunities, but we forget. If we don't take the time to do these pause filled afternoons where we reflect, we will forget the important things and then the urgency of life takes over. Any last thoughts before we end for today on how somebody can decide today okay. It is January. I'm not behind. It's okay to move slowly. It's okay to, welcome the slow, as you said when you were driving today, you welcomed to the slow knowing that you were going to eventually get to a place where there was no snow. Anything come to mind as a way to use this tool that you've used across the board with so many clients of noticing the rhythm, taking the time that you need, asking the good questions. Yeah, notice the cycles that are around you, notice the schedules. Feel that support, feel that flow, feel that we're not behind. There is such pleasure. When we do slow down and actually notice. Earlier today, I was on the elliptical at the gym looking out, knowing that we were going to have a conversation later on today. And I'm looking at that slow snowfall that just the beginning of a snowfall, that it's almost like watching birds or nature., Oh, that was one of the other things that was in my phone is the number of beautiful photographs, whether it was sunrise, sunset, or simply a tree turning color. Slowing down to notice what gives us pleasure, I think is everything. Mm-hmm. And walking through the snow today, I could have the attitude of it's New England, it's cold, and we're in this snowstorm. I choose not to, I choose flow and let it be supportive. The snow is so fluffy today and gentle, and it's a perfect setting for our conversation. I feel like I'm in a snow globe with you. I agree. I look out my window and we weren't expecting this. This was supposed to be an inch. Now it is this very beautiful snow globe, and we connected over the idea that the thoughts we think on purpose are powerful. We wanted today's podcast to be a reminder that this really is winter. What can we do to welcome the slow? And soften it and enjoy it. I love contrast. Slowing down, It's actually going to help us with our productivity and our. Just pleasure. Mm-hmm. In our lives if we do slow down I was thinking about, how my husband always brings a lot of joy and fun to like outdoor activity and I was thinking about 10 years ago, and for those of you that might be listening, Snowmageddon in the northeast north of Boston. I'm going to give you a couple of numbers here. On January 26th, it started, we had. Five snow storms. We had eight feet of snow, no place to put it, 21 days. We had like over eight feet of snow in those five storms. The season ended with 110.6 inches. It was the snowiest winter of all time. It beat. Blizzard of 78, that blizzard of 78 was 27 inches in two days. So it felt like a lot then. But Snowmageddon was like in the northeast. We were just under snow. I wanted to share the contrast of slowing down and really being. What are we doing when we're slowing down? We're really using the power of presence, we're focused on what's now. We're shoveling the driveway, the shoveling of the driveway winds up making a snow hill out in my very flat front yard, and so now I have a sledding hill in my front yard. And that's not enough. In the backyard, my husband snow blows out to the compost pile, but he snow blows a couple of other areas so that we make forts. Yes. And then there was so much snow because Yes. What did I say? Eight feet of snow. This was up and over windows like we're shoveling out our windows and he wound up creating a cross country ski course in a figure eight Wow. In our very small half acre yard. Yeah, right. And around that time, we went to dinner and we took our cross country skis down the middle of the road. We live in the smallest city on the east coast of, the US. And there weren't any cars out, you know? Yeah. So we were able to cross country ski right over to. Get a burger and come home. All of these things happen because we were slowing down. Just like when we hit, when COVID hit, things really needed to slow down and get very purposeful then, and we come up with a plan. I wanted to celebrate that anniversary with you. I forgot it. I'm looking at pictures about it and I can't believe it's been 10 years. I lived in a snow globe then, and I get to live with you today in Yes. I have a question for you. What's now and what's next for you? Oh, well thank you. Well, what's now for me is I am excited to partner with women to make smaller sprints of decisions. I think one of the things that happens is we overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term. I'm very good at, you know, it's going to be the weekend, here's 14 things I want to do, and then I can be very unkind to myself.'cause of course, I can't do 14 things in a weekend, but if I give myself three weeks. I usually can do the majority of what needs to be done and decide. I'm going to defer that. I'm going to delegate that. I'm going to decide not to do that. So that's what I'm going into 2026 doing. So thank you for asking me that. I didn't even tell you. Yeah, yeah. I'm very thrilled. We're going to have three these peaceful productivity sprints before the spring comes. I love that. I love that. And so none of us feel behind, right? We create productivity from a place of peace. Take all of January to come up with our goals, and then we walk really slowly through the rest of winter. And do the productive, important work. Because it is this narrow road. It's easy to go to either side. I'm going to be overly productive and exhausted, or I'm just going to lean back and not do anything. Trying to find that middle road where I think is where love lives, right? Is grace can go so far that you're now not telling the truth. And truth can go so far that it's cruel. So it's cruel to say in January, work as hard as you do in June because nothing is the same, but also to have the grace of constantly putting yourself last. We both love Cathy Heller, her podcast today said, I believe you're the kind of person that if you said you would do something for somebody, you would show up and do it. Why don't you hold that intention for yourself? That's what I want to help people do, is hold that intention for themself in their important work. Your focus makes me think one of the things that I am asking for help on this spring is to get back to running. Not everybody appreciates running. I love deep breathing it's just so rhythmic and all, and I don't run with any equipment on, and I run a very steady pace. I was doing a 5K and I had a shirt on me that was like an inspirational shirt on the back. It had an in inspirational phrase and this gentleman was running like crazy and he would run past me and then he'd be walking and I just kept coming upon him. He ran in with me at the very end and he said, you know, you kept passing me because I kept walking. I was doing sprints, and then I was walking and sprints and I was walking, and he's like here we are. We're ending up at the same place together. We ran across the finishing line. That's so nice. Total strangers together. He is like, and every time I saw your shirt, I thought, I can do this. There was this back and forth. There is no wrong path. Right? I chose a steady path. He chose a sprint and a walk, and a sprint and a walk, which is exactly what we could do with 21 days. Right. So, yeah. I love that so much. So your ask, and maybe somebody listening is someone who loves to run and inspire people., I'm looking forward to seeing you put that ask out there because I love that about social media. I know a lot of people don't like social media. What I love about social media is when people show up for each other and when we can put out that one thing that we need some kind of tool to help me enjoy this winter a little bit more because I'm not managing my brain the way I want to. This conversation today did that for me. It helped me get back aligned. It's like you were wearing your shirt. Come on. Here we go. Small steps. Welcome the slow return to simplicity, return to your soul. Thank you for our time today, Kelly. Thank you for being here, and I hope our conversation today helps you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life. Thank you.