Enneagram Essentials: Understanding Yourself and Others

In this bonus episode, Coach Kelly Tibbitts explains how the Enneagram can help all of us understand the differences in how people think, feel, and act.

There are nine basic Enneagram types, and each type has three subtypes using a  metaphor of nine people at a table, each with a unique perspective.

• Each Enneagram type is influenced by neighboring numbers (wings). 
• For example: Type 3 may have Type 2 (helpful) or Type 4 (creative/feeling) energies.

 Description of Each Enneagram Type

• One: Strives to do the right thing for the right reason; internal rulebook; realization alleviates frustration with others.
• Two: Heart-centered, present-focused, compliant; seeks external validation for actions.
• Three: Future-focused, productivity and success-oriented; American culture often exemplifies Type 3 traits.
• Four: Deeply connected to feelings, reflective, often artistic or musical.
• Five: Detached from feelings, seeks information and logic, withdrawn; often seen as wise but less assertive.
• Six: Thinking center, focused on safety and worst-case scenarios.
• Seven: Thinking center, positive reframing, optimistic and focused on possibilities.
• Eight: Assertive, body/gut-centered, champions for justice, strong energy.
• Nine: Body/gut-centered, peacemakers, see all perspectives and seek harmony.

There are 3 Centers of Intelligence

• Gut/Body (Types 8, 9, 1): motivated by instinct and internal knowing.
• Heart/Feeling (Types 2, 3, 4): process the world through emotions.
• Head/Thinking (Types 5, 6, 7): motivated by thought and logic.

Self-awareness enables appreciation of varying perspectives and methods, reducing team or family frustration.

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Transcript

Kelly Tibbitts: 0:05

Hey friends, on this bonus episode, I'm sharing some of the conversation that I had with Heather from, what's that Whisper? We talked a lot about the human design, and that is on a previous podcast, but because our conversation was so, um, complex, we talked about human design and the Enneagram and I decided to separate the. Out the Enneagram conversation into this bonus episode. So I hope that as you're beginning to think about organizing and connecting with your people going into the year, noticing that we all think and fail and do life differently can be a great starting point. So I hope you enjoy this episode. Can you tell me a little bit about Enneagram to inspire others Human design is going to talk about your energy, your aura. The Enneagram is helping you understand why you think, feel, and do life the way you do. So there's nine paths and each path has three subtypes. At the beginning we have 27 ways of being human. Think of nine people around the table, and they each have a different way of thinking, feeling, and doing life. I'm just going to go round in a circle. Each number leans to the two on either side. So say you are a three, sometimes you might be very two in your energy and helpful, and sometimes you might be very four in your energy and very creative and really connected with your feelings. The Enneagram one is sitting in their seat and they're saying, I want to do the right thing for the right reason. The right reason is in their body. They have a knowing and no one else has the rule book. Whether they think that dishes should go right to the dishwasher as soon as you're done with them, or they think dishes stay where they are and somebody else cleans them, it's in their body and you can't change their mind on it. They're trying to do the right thing for the right reason, but the right thing is a hundred percent inside of them. They believe that everybody else it knows what it is. And so when one's figure out that they're a one, it gives them such a sense of not feeling frustrated with the world for doing it wrong on purpose. They start to realize this is why I think and feel and do life this way, and other people are having a different experience. Next to the one is the two. I'm an Enneagram. Two, we are heart centered, present focus, compliant. Ones and twos and sixes, we're in the present moment. I wake up in the morning and I know what I'm doing for the day. It's very clear to me. One's, twos, and sixes. Those three numbers are compliant. That means we look around and we say to everybody. Do you want me to do this? Do you want me to do that? Instead of having our own inner guidance, we look outside of ourselves. Threes are in the future. They are productive. They're trying to be successful, and America as a country is very three. How productive can you be? They tend to be out in the future, not really thinking about what needs to be done today, more like what needs to be done for tomorrow, and their whole sense of identity, why they think and feel and do life the way they do is they want to be productive. One of the people that I coached, the husband was a three and the wife was a one. They were redoing their kitchen. He was trying to be productive and was cutting corners and she wanted to do it right and they were battling over how to do a kitchen. Then we have the Enneagram fours. They are deeply in their feeling center and instead of looking forward or in the present, they're able to look back, learn and remember. They tend to be our artists and our musicians. Fives are not connected to their feelings. They're in the thinking center and they want to have all the information. Think of your favorite college professor who only wanted to talk about that subject, or the little boy who discovered trains and wants nothing else to talk about. They want the information and they don't want to be connected to feelings. They want to be logical. The fours and the nines, the fives, all look back. One of the things I first discovered as I became a leader was when you have somebody like that who tends to lean back, has withdrawn energy. If you take the time to ask them, they almost always had the wisest answer to whatever we're trying to figure out. They're never going to assert themself when there's a big group of people, but they're so wise! Can you imagine the frustration of nine people at a table? Threes and sevens and eights are like, can you see where we'll be in 10 years? The four fives and nines are saying but 10 years ago, we decided that. I saw this all the time in my years in leadership, where people were looking in different directions. This group of people were looking back and this group of people were looking forward. Without self-awareness, there was frustration. Sixes are in the thinking center, and they're trying to keep everybody safe. They always know the worst case scenario? What if" Sevens are also in the thinking center, but they're positive, reframing everything for what could be. The optimists, the fun, the rainbows and the butterflies. Eights are in their body. They are fighting for justice. They feel like they're responsible for making sure everybody's okay. When they're in that unhealthy, assertive energy, they can come into a room and kind of bulldoze everybody because they have this knowing. This is what we're doing and why we should do it, and they're not going to explain to anybody. The nines are also in their body, but they can see everybody's reason. They're peacemakers. They're trying to figure out that there's this overlap and this is how it works together, the puzzle that you speak of. Eights, nines and ones are not in the feelings and they're not thinking their way through life. They're in their gut. They're knowing. In human design they're using the spleen as information. The five sixes and sevens in human design are using their anja, their thinking center. And twos, threes and fours are using their solar plexus, their feelings, as their primary way to process information. I'm incredibly smart. I can read quickly. I process information, I can put things together, but thinking is my third center of intelligence. I wake up and I know what I'm feeling and I kind of know what I want to do, but I have no idea what I'm thinking. These nine different people all showing up at the table, all passionate about whatever they're working on, but from nine different perspectives of why they're doing what they're doing. I'm a two, my husband's a six. I'm trying to be really helpful. He's trying to keep everybody safe. We're both compliant, so we get along pretty easily. Our children are three, seven, and eight. They're all assertive energy. We did not know what to do with them when they were little. We were like, why are you not listening to us? You're supposed to comply? That's what we did. Didn't have any of this information. They're like assertive as could be. What we discovered by finding the Enneagram when they were a little bit younger is the grace for each other. You're doing it this way and I'm doing it this way, but we're not doing it wrong. We're just doing it differently. They found their path that aligns with their energy. I love that. Just explain so much about a family and I think, what a great way to be a leader at a business or as a coach, right. When you're in a business having to lead all these people, but they're all thinking so differently. How do we make us all come together? Imagine an Enneagram eight really assertive, strong, aggressive energy. They have 10 to 12 hours of energy every day, with an Enneagram five. Withdrawn, deep thinker wants all the information. Waiting to be invited before they share their information. How hard that relationship would be if they didn't understand the difference between how they see life? Expecting the other to be like them. The eight's like, show up and match my energy and be aggressive. And the five's like, be respectful and give me the information I need and wait until I'm ready to speak. Everything could change if you had this understanding of each other. I. Thank you for joining the Live A Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together encourage you and will equip you with the tools you need to move into the vibrant life you desire. I'm here to help you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life. And if you'd like to learn more. You can follow me on Instagram or Facebook, Kelly tibbits life coach, or visit my website kelly tibbits.com. I look forward to connecting again soon.